Keep The Good, Eliminate The Bad

Below you will find an excerpt from my new workbook which will be available for purchase starting November 1st. Please feel free to leave your comments or share your experiences below. I would love to hear from you.

So once you are aware of what behaviors no longer serve you those are the ones you want to eliminate. Let me tell you about my journey on this so you can understand the process.

I have struggled with my weight since I was 8 years old. When I was 17 years old I weighed 350 pounds – I was morbidly obese. I had no understanding of how my body worked or how food affected my body.

Then my schedule changed by getting an after school job and my body started to change. I started losing weight – a lot of weight. I knew I better figure out why so I could keep it going. My aunt and owner of the business I worked at was an avid runner and since quitting smoking had struggled with a few extra pounds.

Lucky for me she had some great books on healthy eating and how the body uses food. I learned about some right things to do and found out I had been eating like a sumo wrestler, seriously. So it was no wonder I was the size of one.

As I increased my knowledge about food, body and exercise I was able to consciously make better choices that got me closer to my goal of being healthier and smaller. It also became easier to move my body. I was an active teenager with a healthy social life and despite my size I was already doing a lot of walking. By add a little more walking, which now was easier because I was carrying less me around, I was able to keep the spiral down going. I lost 100 pounds in a year without starving myself; actually I was eating more than I had when I was at my largest.

Over the years I increased my exercise and decreased my food. Although I was healthy and fit, I still struggled with my weight. After the birth of my daughter I gave up and resigned myself to being heavier than I would like to be.

Exercise was very painful, not enjoyable like it had previously been. And in many ways I felt trapped and alienated from the outside world by being home with my little lady who was often sick with broncciolitis and didn’t sleep through the night till she was 18 months old. My husband was never around at that time as his job was far away – 12 hour shifts and commuting was not manageable. He came home once every couple weeks for a couple days and I was too tired and drained to care.

Do you feel trapped in your life? If you answered YES contact me today. Make the first step toward a happier future – you deserve it!

Did you know I am offering 3 incredible opportunities to join me live? I will be hosting 3 teleseminars this fall that you won’t want to miss. Learn more and sign up for my upcoming free teleseminars here!

My Worst Nightmare…

Below you will find an excerpt from my new workbook which will be available for purchase starting November 1st. Please feel free to leave your comments or share your experiences below. I would love to hear from you.

This workbook is just that – a book for you to work through the place you are now to the place you want to be. I hope you find this workbook helpful in your process.

How did this workbook come about? Well, during my divorce while pregnant I found myself in a whole big heap of emotional trauma, stress, negativity and I was stuck.

I did not have the luxury of drowning my pain in alcohol or drugs or sex or shopping.

I was left 4 ½ months pregnant with our second child, locked out of the checking account, without a job, and so stressed that I literally threw up hundreds of times a day.

I had no choice but to find a way to work through the emotions for my health, the health of my unborn son and the wellbeing of my 4 year old daughter.

Luckily, I had come across some incredible information along my journey of personal development and coach training. I had attended a workshop just 6 weeks prior to my life imploding that gave me the most effective tools I have ever used for dealing with emotional stress, trauma, overwhelm, resentment, unmet expectations, rage, loss, panic, depression – I have worked through it all and I will share those same techniques with you in the course of this workbook…

Ok, that is all you get for today ;o)

Did you know I am offering 3 incredible opportunities to join me live? I will be hosting 3 teleseminars this fall that you won’t want to miss. Learn more and sign up for my upcoming free teleseminars here!

Good Decisions Despite Your Life Disaster

When dealing with a life disaster it is very important to make good choices right from the start. Those actions and reactions can set the tone for the rest of the process whether it be divorce ,illness, loss of a job, fight with a dear friend – anything small or large.

If you can, in those first moments, hours and days take some time from freaking out and set your emotion aside to look at your options you will be far better off than if you just allow the process to happen to you. In putting aside your emotional chaos, no matter how justified it may be, you can make better decisions on the big, important issues, you know, those issues that have long term affects on you and your family. You take back some control over your situation.

How can someone in the midst of their life disaster possible be able to put aside their emotions you ask?

Well, what worked for me when I realized my husband had a secret life was making the decision to NOT make things worse for myself by giving into my emotions and acting out in rage and fury.

Yes, I wanted to smash things!
Yes, I wanted to show up on doorsteps screaming in righteous rage!
Yes, I wanted to drown my hurt in a few drinks and the attention of a stranger but I knew that all that would bring was more heartache and chaos.

And where would that leave my very heartbroken 4 year old little girl who couldn’t understand why Daddy left us?

So I decided to see the truth both in my situation and in my options. The truth was I needed to pull my head together each day for a bit and make some good choices about how to move forward DESPITE my emotional upheaval. I found that to make good choices at that time I needed to do what was in the best interest of my 4yr old daughter and unborn son. I used my children’s’ well being as my anchor. Each decision I had to make, I asked myself “what is in the best interest of the children, now and long term?”

By moving the focus away from myself and onto my children I took the ME out of the picture. My decisions were not based on revenge or hate, righteous rage or pregnant fury. In effect, I took my ego out of the equation and what I was left with was the facts of the situation. I was able to become VERY clear headed when making decisions in the interest of my children. This clear headedness gave me the ability to choose a wonderful lawyer who guided my decisions to stay in the best interest of the children and focus on the facts. As a result I was able to create a situation for myself that allowed me to take care of myself and my children, heal and move forward in life.

Was it easy? No. Would it have been nice to give in and go a bit crazy? Not really, since I knew those behaviors were self defeating and would not improve any part of my situation. My ego may be stroked for a few hours or my rage quelled for a bit but I did not want to hand over my power. By acting out we essentially hand over our power of choice in our lives since we clearly are not behaving in a way that shows we are capable of making good choices. I figured my future ex husband had made enough bad decisions for both of us and I needed to woman up for my kids.

It may be true that no one would judge if you crawled into your bed and didn’t come out for a month or if you smashed all the windows but that is not going to get your kids fed, care for your sick or give you your last moments with your loved one. So get your head out of the sand, ask for the help you need from those who can give it and do what needs to be done.

Only TWO more days to sign up for our in-person Boston workshop with Kate Powers! Turning Over a New Leaf for a New Life is scheduled for Saturday, October 9, 2010 – learn more about how you can still get a discount off the regular price.

The Difficult Journey of Advocating

My cousin’s toddler was recently diagnosed with Juvenile Dermatomyositis (JDM). Weakened muscles and skin rash are the primary symptoms of JDM. Some children experience a mild form of the disease, while others follow a more severe and potentially more debilitating course. Some of the more onerous secondary symptoms are calcinosis, vasculitic ulcers and contractures. This info was taken from http://www.curejm.com/info/what_is_jm.htm and be sure to visit to learn more.
Macie is 19 months old and started treatment today following her first MRI (yesterday) which showed damaged muscle tissue within her body.

Macie’s mom fought long and hard with doctors, family and friends who pushed off her concerns believing the child simply suffered from eczema. This battle began almost a year ago with an incurable diaper rash and digestive issues. Every time Macie ate certain foods her rash flared to fire red patches all over her body – there was a definite cause and effect going on.

Malyssa was put off time and time again by their family practice care as being overly concerned and neurotic. After months of demanding tests and receiving such resistance from her health care providers as well as some close family members it was no wonder she began to feel crazy.

As I watched her struggle and supported her as best I could despite the distance it became clear she was fighting an uphill battle. But she carried on because she knew in her heart that there was something “not right” with her baby. As a mother of three and a licensed nurse, Malyssa had no doubt that a bigger issue was at play.

People called her crazy, neurotic, stubborn and a variety of other names as she time and again demanded someone listen to her and find a solution for her child. Countless hours were spent each day tracking which foods caused reactions and finding solutions for a baby who seemingly reacted to every food she ate. It was a drain on Malyssa and the entire family as those hours spent cooking and tracking, worrying and traveling were not spent on enjoy her three children, husband and beautiful home in the mountains of NH.

Finally after months of traveling to doctors appointments hours away from her home, she gained some support from a dermatologist who agreed Macie did not suffer from eczema. So after many doctor appointments, hundreds of hours of travel time and months of riding an emotional rollercoaster, a skin biopsy was ordered and came back as positive for JDM. Macie has also been diagnosed with gluten and lactose sensitivities which seem to be triggers.

Any parent who has advocated for their child knows the struggles my cousin has gone thru. Advocating is hard work, emotionally draining, and can alienate those you love but advocates see the bigger picture and put their own comfort aside for the greater purpose. It was only by listening to her heart and focusing on the health and well being of her child that Malyssa was able to get answers. I have learned so much about parenting and advocating from her difficult journey to a diagnosis and I send them all lots of love and thoughts of good health and healing as they enter this next stage of their journey.

Please join the conversation and leave a comment below.

Only SIX more days to sign up and save on our in-person Boston workshop with Kate Powers! Turning Over a New Leaf for a New Life is scheduled for Saturday, October 9, 2010 – learn more about how you can still get a discount off the regular price.

Stretching the Boundaries of Single Parenting

“Being a single parent is a lot of work,” is the conclusion I come to as I sit on my couch with my laptop absolutely exhausted recounting the day.  It was a great day, actually.  We had a typical busy morning of breakfast, baths and errands.  We arrived early for soccer practice after a successful trip to the sports supply store.

We headed to the field but were very early so played at the playground – well, I chased my 16 month old around while my 6-year-old played.  Then back to the car for a quick snack before 11:00 AM soccer practice before their game at noon.   Since I had pre arranged for another parent to watch my daughter I left at 11:00 to get little man down for his much overdue nap.  During nap time I did some work: 1 hour of yoga, coffee with my aunt and packed a picnic bag for the Life is Good Music festival we were headed to for the afternoon

We arrived at the off-site parking, loaded the backpack up, baby in stroller, big girl ready to go then we couldn’t find the elevator.  So we located the stairs and since it was only one flight I took little man out of the stroller.  With him on my hip, bag on my back, I folded the stroller with one hand, scooped it up and down the stairs we went.  We made it across the parking lot to the shuttle and again unloaded the baby, folded the stroller and got it onto the storage area at the back of the bus then made our way to some seats.  The 15-minute ride to the festival site was uneventful and we were on site by 3:00 PM.

Once there we loaded back up, got off the bus, retrieved the stroller, single handed unfold, load little man in, backpack on, big girl in tow and off we go.

At this point I had to ask myself if this adventure was worth all this work.  Then I thought, what a bad attitude, of course it’s worth it.  How else would we be able to see such incredible music bands (Dan Zanes and Laurie Berkner Band), enjoy hours of fun at the various kid-friendly tents and just have a great afternoon together.  I rallied and did my best to make sure both kids got their fair share of fun time.  We explored the discovery music tent for a bit, then settled in at the arts and crafts table.  We did our best to make the most of each activity, and although my toddler was cranky while we were attempting to take in some LBB, I had to remember that he was doing his best, too.

We finished the day with giant cookie decorating and some playing in an open field before heading back to the shuttle.  We all had a great time despite the exhaustion.  As a single mom I find it important to place boundaries on my expectations so I don’t find myself in situations I can’t handle on my own.  Sometimes, though, it is important to stretch those boundaries and move outside my comfort zone so we don’t miss an awesome opportunity.

How have you moved outside your comfort zone lately? What was the outcome? I’d love to hear from you – leave your remarks in the comments area below!

There is still time to sign up and save on our in-person Boston workshop with Kate Powers! Turning Over a New Leaf for a New Life is scheduled for Saturday, October 9, 2010 – learn more about how you can still get a discount off the regular price.

Back to School: Taking Control of the Chaos

September is here, and so it begins… the non-stop shuttling to school, from school, to sports, to homework club, to after-school activities and music lessons. Suddenly, you have become a taxi service and your fares NEVER tip! On top of all this, you now have homework, school meetings, and an array of fundraisers to contend with. Of course let’s not forget keeping the house running, memorizing everyone’s schedule and making sure lunches are made, snacks provided and dinners cooked on a daily basis.

Feeling spread a bit thin these days? You’re not alone. And if you’re a mom who also runs her own business… then it’s imperative that you find ways to bring sanity to the seemingly never-ending chaos. Some tips from a working mom who has been there, done that and lived to tell her tales!

- Keep the weekly planner in a central location. If you are a hands-on person, you may prefer a dry erase board. Computer savvy? Try Google calendar or icalendar. These allow you to color code each family member’s weekly itinerary so you can avoid over-booking and other scheduling conflicts.
- Utilize the power of the car pool. Every other Mom is in the same chaos you are — so help each other out and save some gas in the process. Ride-sharing will reduce your stress and anxiety over how to be two or three places at once. Don’t forget to set back up plans in place in case of illness and emergencies.
- Learn when to just say no. We all want to give our kids as many opportunities as possible but at what cost? Most parents would agree, the trend toward over-booking extra-curriculars has worn thin. Remind your kids that studies take precedence over sports, ballet and play dates — and limit to no more than 2 or 3 favorite after-school activities if you can.
- Don’t forget YOU! Pencil your activities into the family calendar along with everyone else’s. This will remind your family that you are also a person beyond your taxi driver status; and that your time is to be valued, your thoughtfulness and caring respected. After all; if you don’t make yourself a priority, who will?

Kate Powers is a Certified Personal Coach and the owner of Ask Coach Kate. She offers life balance and business coaching services for people who have recognized that the key to success and happiness is within their grasp. Find out how the Ask Coach Kate Coaching System will help you achieve your goals. Contact kate@askcoachkate.com for more information today.

Do you have the perseverance of a 6-year-old?

The other evening I enjoyed watching my 6-year-old while she was building an elevated train track for her little brother. She wanted to have the living room “all set up for John to destroy when he woke up in the morning”. Because they tracks were elevated, they collapsed many times during the construction. Each time, she would calmly look at where she was in the building process, assess the situation and determine the best way to restart her project.

At some point, I asked if she wanted to stop to which she quickly answered “no, it’s not built yet”. She was firm in her resolve to finish the project she had mapped out for herself despite the repeated disapointments of collapse and re-build.

As I watched, I thought of how if adults could have the same resolve to complete tasks or achieve goals despite disappointing setbacks, we would achieve much more. So here is what I learned from my 6-year-old this week.

Plan a project with a specific end goal (it helps if the goal benefits others)

Know your WHY so you can quickly refer back to it when things get tough

Realize that sometimes we need to try, try again to achieve our goals – something worth achieving may not come without a little work

Understand that each “failure” is actually an important learning opportunity in what will work and what did not. Do more of what works and less of what doesn’t

Two steps forward, one step back still gives you one step forward and a learning opportunity.

The Turning Over a New Leaf for a New Life workshop is scheduled for Saturday, October 9, 2010 here in Boston. Enjoy a substantial discount off the original price when you purchase today!

What are YOU joyful about?

Yesterday was HOT! 95 degrees and humid – luckily there was a good breeze. Thunderstorms rolled in around late afternoon. As the sheets of rain started to descend I took my children onto our back deck. They were so excited to play in the rain. They danced, splashed, looked up at the sky, caught raindrops with open mouths. They were not just enjoying themselves…they were JOYFUL. Their whole beings radiated happiness and excitement. It made my heart happy.

So I thought about what makes me joyful and here is my shortlist…my children. Even when I am frustrated or overwhelmed (yes, I feel that way too) my heart swells. We recently had family photos take and I noticed that I look better in the photos with my children. The kids make me look good (wink) and I am joyful when I am with them. Joy shows on your face. Just like being angry, you can’t hide it.
I am joyful when working my business. Whether working with a client, writing a blog post, or planning future projects, I am enjoying where I am at and what I am doing. I have decided to focus on what I LOVE doing in my business more and focus less on what frustrates or overwhelms me. So moving forward I will pay someone to manage my web site since that is a source of stress for me. And yes, we can all do everything but why do it when that task sucks the joy right out of your work or day or life?
When what I am doing is no longer enjoyable, I take a break until I can return to it without frustration. Of course there are certain aspects of our work or business that we like less than other but if I can focus on the result of my actions which will bring more joy instead of the doing which may be boring or frustrating I will get the job done. For the tasks that always cause frustration or overwhelm – I pay someone else to do them.
Finally, the life I am continuing to create for my family brings me such joy. I didn’t know I could have such joy and contentment as a divorced mother of two running my own business. It didn’t just happen that way, I actively created it. I decided on what I truly wanted present in my daily life – love, happiness, peace and contentment. Then I looked at what was keeping me from what I wanted. Then the rest was up to me to change the way I interacted with my ex, my family, my children and my business. Small changes can have a large impact. So as I sit on my back deck, enjoy the early morning with a cup of coffee and the birds chirping I know I have a lot to be grateful for!

Now I ask you…What makes YOU joyful? Are you content in your life? What is it about your work that you enjoy most? Can you do more of it?

If you would like more info on this topic, contact me and we can set a time to chat..

Happy Father’s Day

Father’s Day always brings to mind my own father although he is no longer with us on this earth. It is not with sadness but with great peace that I think of him. I love to remember him at his best – the ways he showed up for us in a BIG WAY everyday. The hours he spend helping me with Latin and algebra homework, the 5:00 AM fishing trips, the nights spent stargazing. And yes, for my purposes here, I am leaving out the times he was not a great Dad.

As a parent, I now know it really is all about those little moments. I see my brother walking in those footsteps – it is such a beautiful sight to see him wrangling with skill his three little ones, taking the time to embrace the learning opportunities that arise and all done with such love. Truly amazing!

Remembering my father and watching my brother also has taught me the importance of good men in the life of a child. I am so happy my children have such a strong role model as my brother. My son will learn what it means to be a good man, loving and caring, strong and proud with that sense of inner knowing of how to do the right thing. My daughter is learning what a good man looks like, what expectations to have of the men in her life now and as she grows up. What a gift to give children on their journey to becoming fabulous grown ups!

As I embrace fully my single parenthood, I remember my father more often. I try to see things from the view of a patient grandfather and think “What would my Dad do”. So when the baby cries for no reason I remember “It’s ok for babies to cry sometimes – it makes their lungs strong”. When it rains I remember the times my Dad took us out to play in the puddles without care for staying dry or clean and I try to let go and give my children those opportunities – those little moments of joy.

So whether you are a Mom also playing the role of Dad or a Dad – I hope your days are filled with little moments of joys

What is in a name?

What is in a name? I have asked myself this question many times over the past 18 months. When I first was faced with getting divorced my initial reaction was ” of course I am going back to my maiden name”. I liked my maiden name and why would I want to keep a name that held such negativity for me? Then the little voice of my then 4 year old said “you mean you won’t be part of my family anymore”. I was dumbstruck.

So I decided to wait – it takes time to have a baby and finalize divorce so I had some time.

My son was born and my daughter, then age 5, again worried that we would not all be family if my name was different. In her mind the name is one of the ties that binds family together. And she is right. So I waited a while longer.

The divorce became final and we all adjusted to our new beginning. I opted for the right to change my name but did not take action.

Now a year later I revisited the “name” issue as I was feeling rather like a split personality. Immediately following my husband leaving I started using my maiden name in general use, not on anything official. So I found myself using Walsh some times and Powers some times – I was confusing myself! I gently discussed with my now 6 year old how she would feel if we did not have the same name. Her position had not changed but mine had. I no longer cared about my name and who it attaches me to by past affiliations of marriage.

My top priority is to love my children and do what is in their best interest. I find that if it is in their best interest, by default, it is in my best interest as well. Making sure my daughter feels secure in my love and attachment to her far out weighs any need I had to disassociate from my ex-husband.

So I enter this part of my journey moving forward for myself and my children as Kate Powers.

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