Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving here in the States. It is a day full of food, family and enjoyment. I often think of this day as the calm before the holiday chaos storm. It is the last chance to relax before the hectic season of festivities begins.

I know I am already planning time to decorate, spend time with family and friends, attend various holiday events at my daughter’s school – my calendar is already filling up for December.

I am also making time to be thankful and to show my gratitude to those special people in my life today on this day of giving thanks for our immense bounty in our lives. Giving thanks is something that comes naturally to me – I have been blessed with a grateful heart.

I am teaching my children to be thankful each and every day. As part of our bedtime prayers, we speak our Thankful List. We each have to say at least 5 things we are thankful for from that day. It is an amazing experience to hear what a 6 year old gives thanks for. My daughter might have started out with giving thanks for her “stuff” but it quickly turned toward the important things – family, home, and friends. It is wonderful for me to experience this special sharing with her each evening.

Nurturing gratitude for all the we have and all we have experienced is not always easy but without the incredible journey we each have been on we would not be the amazing people we are today.

I invite you today, on this Thanksgiving, to take some time to connect with gratitude. Feel it in your heart. Let it not be just some words you speak but instead an emotion you embrace.

And just so you know, you are on my thankful list today. Each reader of my blog, subscriber to my newsletter, fan on Facebook, and follower on Twitter – I give thanks for you and your support of my business. I am truly blessed and you are a piece of that blessing.

I wish you the happiest of Thanksgivings!

At Peace With Food

Below you will find an excerpt from my new workbook which will be available for purchase starting November 1st. Please feel free to leave your comments or share your experiences below. I would love to hear from you.

Following the birth of my son, in the wake of my life disaster, I was found that exercise became enjoyable again. I felt up for going for a walk 8 weeks post partum (c-section) and started jogging super slow 9 weeks post. My body just wanted to move.

This caused me to take note as I had struggled with exercise for the past 5 years. I lost some weight but not much and as the weather turned colder I was not able to keep up with my exercising. I was back on the yo-yo with my weight.

January 2010 I was drawn to grow my awareness around my current relationship with food and exercise. Through looking at my eating habits and patterns, how I felt before I ate, while I was eating and after I ate (increasing my awareness) I had a new understanding of my relationship with food and my body.

I came to realize I used food to not feel my emotions, to literally stuff down my emotions with food. I realized I snacked at night after the kids were asleep and the house quiet because I was so terrified to feel intensely that I would try to stuff down the feelings of loneliness, sadness, anger, resentment and dissatisfaction.
In having this awareness, I made the decision to make a life I loved for myself. I started by working through the emotions I didn’t know I was stuffing. Once I knew what to look for I could pay attention to my actions around this and just take note.

Knowing did not instantly cause a behavior shift. I had been using food to stuff my emotions my whole life, that’s not going to change in a few weeks or months. It occurred to me in a quiet kind of way that I was addicted to food.

Food made me feel safe, comforted, soothed, and loved. I used food to deal with my sadness, hurt and resentment. By having this awareness I now knew what I needed to work on emotionally. So I got to it and started working through a whole new layer of emotions I didn’t realize were bubbling below the surface.

Thru this process I also realized I had been at war with food and my body most of my life. I had used exercise to counter my eating habits for many years. With these new understandings I decided I wanted to change that. I was working very hard to create a life of peace and there could be no peace outside if I had a war waging inside.

And I was done with the war and with being fat. I was finally ready to live my life for myself, to own all of who I am, good or bad.

Do you have emotion baggage that is holding you back from a happier life? If you answered YES contact me today. Make the first step toward a happier future – you deserve it!

Did you know I am offering 3 incredible opportunities to join me live? I will be hosting 3 teleseminars this fall that you won’t want to miss. Learn more and sign up for my upcoming free teleseminars here!

Last Days To Sign Up For Our All Day Workshop

Just wanted to let everyone know that sign ups to enjoy the discount we’re offering on the “Turning Over a New Leaf” Discovery Workshop will be ending next week.

This all-day breakthrough intensive will be held on Saturday, October 9th, 2010 in Boston. The content of the workshop is geared toward people who:

- seek greater happiness and fulfillment
- are in search of that missing “something” that would bring meaning and purpose to life
- hope to become better organized
- want more time to live and enjoy
or all of the above…
To learn more and take advantage of the discounted price before it expires next week, visit this link.

Any questions contact kate@askcoachkate.com. I look forward to working with you!

When Disaster Strikes…

What to do when a life disaster strikes – not taking about losing your cell phone or locking your keys in the car. I’m talking major disaster – like finding out your husband is a serial womanizer or learning your baby has a degenerative disease, or losing a loved one too soon to cancer. I mean the things that rock your world to the foundation and if you don’t recover no one would judge.

One of the things that makes me a good coach is my life experiences. Luckily I have not had to experience every example I gave above but I have had to experience some of them and I have been able to come out the other side in a good and healthy way. So here are some things that if you’re not doing may be helpful.

- Go into protection mode by shutting out the outside world (not those you need to support you). This is also called setting new boundaries. You need to eliminate all extras from your life. You need to reserve all your time, energy and financial resources to deal with your disaster and take care of yourself and your family.
- Set your emotion aside and look at your options. It may be true that no one would judge if you crawled into your bed and didn’t come out for a month or if you smashed all the windows but that is not going to get your kids fed, care for your sick or give you your last moments with your loved one. So get your head out of the sand, ask for the help you need from those who can give it and do what needs to be done.
- Just say NO. You have bigger problems to worry about than running the PTO fundraiser or donating your time or money to that wonderful charity. When a disaster hits and you didn’t see it coming you need to turn inward, take stock of where you are at and what you need instead of running all over for everyone else. So when you are asked to do it just say “I wish I could but I am just completely overwhelmed right now with all I have going on and I just can’t handle taking on anything else at this time.” This clearly states you are unable to handle the responsibility right now and leaves it open for the future when you may be better equipped to help while not giving out the gory details of your life disaster.
- Speak out to those who can support you in a positive way. Support groups are great but not if you feel more depressed or defeated then before you walked thru the door. If going out with your girlfriends gives you the space to purge your emotionals then that’s great but if you find yourself feeling more lonely or desperate then make a different choice. Pay attention to how you feel inside and do what brings true relief.
- Ask for help from those who can give it. Asking your sister to support you while you both are watching your father succumb to cancer is only setting yourself up for disappointment since she is probably as devastated, tired and overwhelmed as you are even if she expresses it differently. You need to move outside that circle to those who have the energy and time to give you what you need.
- Don’t run away from the situation or the emotions since they will always find you. Taking a break to rejuvenate is smart and needed. Spending your evenings drowning your pain and fear in a bottle of wine is a waste since it doesn’t improve the situation at all and you feel worse in the morning, less able or ready to deal with your situation. Fear of being overwhelmed by our emotions is usually what makes us run away from any situation.
- Dive in – yes, I am serious. If you are overcome by hurt, fear, sadness- any negative emotion, the most effective but little known way to deal is to closer your eyes, notice where you feel the emotion in your body then bring your awareness right into the core where it feels the most intense. It is scary at first but soon you’ll notice that you are ok. The deeper into the core of intensity you go, the more it seems to lessen. Don’t stop there – keep diving into the core until it is completely gone. Take a deep breath and drink a glass of water.

These steps have helped me many times over the years deal with a list of situations. The most important thing you can do for yourself is to be present for your life even if it is hard. And getting good at effectively feeling your emotions is one of the most useful things you can learn to do as it frees you to focus on what needs to be done and to do it. Being present during the months and last moments of my father’s illness was a gift as was having the presence of mind to do what needed to be done when I learned of my husband’s secret life while pregnant with our second child.

If you are going thru a life disaster of your own and need someone on your side who knows what to do, contact Kate@askcoachkate.com.

There is still time to sign up and save on our in-person Boston workshop with Kate Powers! Turning Over a New Leaf for a New Life is scheduled for Saturday, October 9, 2010 – learn more about how you can still get a discount off the regular price.

Ask Coach Kate: New Coach Feels Surrounded

A reader writes in:

Dear Coach Kate,

I recently obtained my coaching certification, but I am writing this anonymously as the question I am about to ask is kind of embarrassing. After becoming a coach and joining a few marketing and support groups for fellow coaches/business owners, I really feel surrounded. It seems like rather than meeting people who will one day become clients, instead I am face to face with other people (coaches) who are competing with me for business every minute of every day.

I know that as a coach I’m supposed to have a positive attitude, but secretly I wonder if I am really cut out for this role. Please help.

- Drowning in a Sea of Coaches

Read the answer here!

How to deal with a budget buster

In my work as a life and business coach, I often help clients with budgeting. Recently I was asked what a person who is good at staying on budget can do when their partner is a “budget buster”. Wow, I thought, for every budget savvy person there is a budget buster just itching to spend, spend, spend. So I thought back to my own dealings with my budget buster and here are some things I found helpful and I hope you will as well.

Print out the budget so they can see what it really costs to run the house or business each week, month and year.

Be clear about what the financial goals are and why they are important to you both. If the “BB” is not on the same page as you, it can be an uphill battle. So make sure you have the same goals and feel strongly about making them happen.

Seek professional assistance from a certified financial planner. We were able to save a large sum of money by meeting with a professional and having the money auto drafted each week. Doing this also worked since my “BB” did not feel I was in charge of the money. He had a level of choice and control.

Understand what you are dealing with. My “BB” would have the money spent 3 different ways before we even got it. Eventually, I could say “didn’t we already allot those funds for xyz?” This would help put him in check without causing a war about money.

Watch for financial hemorrhages. If money is disappearing on a regular basis without just cause you may have larger issues on your hands.

Financial transparency is a two way street. Be sure you are willing to give up as much as the other side to keep resentment at bay. It is easy to feel righteous when dealing with a “BB” but if you want your budget to work then be willing to give a few concessions that make the budget livable for both of you.

Only five more days to save on our Boston self improvement workshop! Turning Over a New Leaf for a New Life is scheduled for Saturday, October 9, 2010 – learn more about how you can get a discount off the regular price.

Managing Your Expectations

Recently I attended a networking event and was surprised by the presenter’s inability to hide her disappointment. It was a small group and she clearly had expected more attendees. People appreciated the information she had to offer but not everyone was jumping out of their seats to become her paying clients. So this made me think about a few things…

Now we all know as entrepreneurs to “think big”. We always bring double the amount of info to hand out “just in case”. We are never without business cards and have our elevator pitch memorized. But what do you do when it goes the other way? When only a few people show up? When everyone politely declines?

Here are a few things I learned in the beginning of my business about situations just like this.

1) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remain positive and polite. Be your most gracious self. When the numbers are small, every eye is on YOU every MINUTE. How you conduct yourself has a much stronger impact on each individual than with a large crowd. Potential clients are less likely to become paying clients when they sense negativity.

2)NEVER NEVER NEVER try to force a sale with a small group. Since everyone is intently watching your every move you must ensure your actions encourage potential clients to become paying clients. No one wants to pay to work with someone who is pushy and rude.

3) Have good intentions no matter how many people attend. I have an attitude that no matter what, it is always worth it. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not going to knowingly book to present to a few people when going to the event will cost me with driving time, tolls, babysitter etc. But when I find myself at an event that is smaller than expected I make the best of it and use the opportunity to make a GREAT impression.

How do you manage your expectations when things don’t go as planned?

If you would like more info on this topic, contact me and we can set a time to chat..

5 ways to Love Your Life NOW!

People seem to think that working with a life or business coach means a huge time investment to see any results. Since I am very results orientated, I don’t think that should be the case. So here are 5 small things you can do TODAY to start loving YOUR life!

Smile… at everyone, even if it is a fake smile. The human body can not have a negative emotion while smiling. And people will smile back. Try it! Test the theory and see if by the end of the day you don’t feel better.

Make time to do ONE thing you LOVE. Whether it is pleasure reading, going for a walk, spending time in your garden, chatting with a friend, taking a nap – do it even if only for 15 minutes. You deserve it!

Pay attention as you eat food that makes your body energized and feel good. It can be strawberries as a mid morning snack, salad with chicken for lunch or chocolate and coffee as an afternoon snack. Be mindful of eating, savor the flavor of each bite and enjoy the experience.

Go to bed! It is that simple, getting enough rest is one of the best ways to improve and enjoy tomorrow. How many hours do you need to wake feeling fully rested? Once a week, go to bed so that you get that many hours of sleep. You will be amazed at how productive you will be.

Write down 5 things you are grateful for today just before you go to sleep. Your brain spend your sleeping hours working on what you were thinking just before bed so make sure you get the benefit of it being positive. And making a gratitude list just before bed is a perfect way to do that.

I hope you enjoy trying these 5 simple techniques to love your life now.

If you would like more info on this topic, contact me and we can set a time to chat..

The Importance of Milestones

Today my 6 year old is graduating from kindergarten. The class is having a “moving up” ceremony. The kids have been practicing songs and poems for weeks now and they are extremely excited to be headed to First Grade. It is clearly very important to children as they become “big kids” – a milestone to be acknowledged.

This event for my daughter made me think of how milestones are useful, important and significant on our journey of life or business success.

First, achieving a milestone means you set a goal, made a plan to achieve that goal then took the necessary steps to make it happen. That is a big deal! That is worth celebrating – YAY YOU! Whether you ran a marathon, got your first client or made your first million, the system is the same and each marker is worth acknowledging.

Second, it is important to reward yourself for a job well done. Setting a goal and achieving it IS a job well done so pat yourself on the back, sing your own praises, take a short rest then set your next milestone to achieve.

Finally, use what works and keep it going! You don’t have to get everything right but make note of what did work. What kept you motivated? What got you out there doing your thing when you would rather take a nap? Notice what worked and do more of it. Notice what did not work and do less of it.

If you would like more info on this topic, contact me and we can set a time to chat..

Miley Cyrus banned in my house!

So the latest buzz is Miley Cyrus’ photo shoot for Vanity Fair. The whole situation infuriates me on several levels and there are so many people to blame from the photographer, parents, managers, Disney (have they made a public statement yet?) along with the media that perpetuates the chaos.

As the mother of a 4 year old, I am very cautious about what is on my television. When we watch TV, it’s PBS or appropriate on demand shows so I can monitor what my daughter sees.

Of course, I am not with her every hour and she has sleep-overs with friends and cousins. Much to my dismay, Abbi has watched High School Musical and Hannah Montana during such sleepovers. So what is the big deal if my 4 year old is a Hannah Montana fan? The problem is Abbi, at age 4, is too young to differentiate the behaviors she sees and how she should act. Young children learn by mimicking the behaviors they see. Didn’t we all learn from Britney and Christina that working for Disney does not make you sweet or innocent?

You may think I am over protective by thinking these shows are inappropriate for a 3 or 4 year old. Yesterday’s photo of a half nude, 15 year old child all over the media — who happens to be the most influential media figure for the tween age group down to school age children — makes me hold firm to my beliefs.

As a Mom, it is my job to protect Abbi’s innocence; being strict about what she sees is the greatest way to do so.

It’s not about the shoot being “beautiful” or “artistic.” I was an art major – I get it – but what I don’t get is anyone thinking a 15 year old child posing half bare is appropriate, is in the best interest of that child or the children Miley Cyrus is such an influential power over.

I must say, I will be sure to make it perfectly clear Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana is banned in my house!

Sorry, Abbi, no sleep overs for a while. Mom has to do what Mom has to do.